Simple,short,concise, straight-to-point, effective ma-lay-sien engrish....

Who says our English is teruk? Just see below - Ours is simple,short,concise, straight-to-point, effective etc........

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No Stock.

RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hello, who page?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY .
Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kew me

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians:No-need, lah.

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (pointing the door) can ar?

WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: Don't be shy, lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got?

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Malaysians: Don't want la...

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're
coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad, ah?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shut up lah!


WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
Malaysians: Die-lah!!


WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: Wat happen Why like that....

WHEN SOME ONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This isn't the way to do it here let me! show you,
Malaysians: like that also don't know how to do!!!!

WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me !
Malaysians:Celaka u

………..

Now you believe ah????

Have a nice day.

(forwarded mail from my joke buddy)

Mother's Day 2006

Got this message on my computer this morning when i woke up:
From son #2



I never appreciated enough

I never spend enough time with you

I never gave anything in return

I ask a lot, never considering what you had to give

I cried for you to be there when i was small, but now i leave the house without telling you

Your life you lived to care for me, I say you are overprotective

So on this mother's day

I think

the most important thing

I need

to give

is

an apology

mum... and thanks for everything.



From son #1:



















Thank You son#1 and son#2 for the very loving messages. I love u all too.

A night out with friends

Got my Anugerah Perkhidmatan Cemerlang (aka excellent service award) for the year 2005 which translates into RM 1000 cash.. $$ not yet come but nearly finish giving treat to colleagues and friends, so last nit we chill out at San Francisco Grill, Ban Hock Road Kuching. The food is so so, quite expensive tho but the atmosphere and the company is nice.

Friends:




Atmosphere:




Food:

Seafood cocktail- RM 6 ++

Garlic bread - 50 sen per piece ++

Fish and Chips : RM 12 ++

super big Lamb burger- RM 16.80 ++

Daine Steak - RM 28 ++

All in all the bill is RM 253.66 for 8 person, expensive anot?

D - day... where parents meet teachers

Saturday 22nd April 2006
D-day for students of St Joseph's School Kuching. A much dreaded day for the students cos they have to bring their "beloved" parents to see their form- teachers to get an oral report on their behaviours, attitudes for the last four months .



As teachers we are forewarned that we shud give more positive remarks on the child , so the following are some of the typical conversation overheard that morning:

Teachers to parents :

1. Your son enjoyed talking in class while the teacher is teaching
( meaning-- he is soooooooooo talkative in class)
2. Your son is smart so he will be busy doing his own things while the teacher is teaching
( meaning -- he is never paying attention in class)

3. Your son is doing his homework but cannot finish in time
( meaning -- he never finishes his homework)

4. Your son is a nature lover
( meaning - he is always looking outside the class while I am teaching)

5. Your son is constantly surpervised by the teachers
( meaning - the teachers is having a super hard time to baby-sit and look after yo child)

6. You have a super active child
( meaning -- he can never sit still in class, always want to go to toilet just to have a walk during lessons , disturbing his friends etc etc.....)

7. Your son can still achieve better results than this
( meaning his result is very rotten, as parents u better start monitoring him , guiding him..motivate him......)

8. Your son attire in school can be further improved on
( meaning - his shirt is not tucked in , not wearing name tags, spikey hairs like the trojan man in the detergent advertisement

9. Your son is not putting his 100% effort into his study
( meaning he is putting in zero effort... meaning he is not studying for his exam at all...........)

10. Your son is at the moment undergoing puberty and growing up
( meaning - he is more interested in the girls opposite the school than the teachers' teaching ( there is a all girl school opposite our school)... puttting on the bau-tikus- mati aka dead rat smell perfume at the last period just before the last bell... his school bag full of toiletries like hair gel, hair wax, etc etc )

p/s BTW. ours is a all boys school




Parents to teachers :

1. Have u finished talking about my son ?
( #??##/????@#$%#@$#)

2. At home teacher, i also cannot control him
( so how I as teacher with 45+ students control him when u... 1 to 1 already cannot????)

3. My son didnt tell me he has exam
( for goodness sake there is a school dairy... do check for his exam date hor...)

4. My son just wont listen to me
( OMG!!! you are the parents if they wont listen to u , will they listen to us teachers ???)

But of cos they are very nice parents who are caring about their sons, appreciating the teachers' effort lar.. but it is this small minority mentioned above that makes u irritated tho.....)

haiyor...... life as teachers..........

I heard that yesterday there was one parent who got so angry with the son's report that he tore up his report card in front of the teacher, kicked the classroom door, and showing off his tantrums ALAMAK... whose faults is that????





As the sayings goes... all teachers go to heaven... so still smiling after a hard day's work ....
Blessed are the Teachers indeed

Teachers' Jokes

Teacher Joke 1

If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."


Teacher Joke 2
science test question

The student - not necessarily a well-prepared student - sat in his science classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper.

The question directed: "Give four advantages of breast milk."

What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best:

1. No need to boil.

2. Cats can't steal it.

3. Available whenever necessary.

Um. So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a four-part answer.

Again, what to write? Once more he sighed. He frowned. He scowled. Then sighed again.

But suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly he scribbled his definitive answer:

4. Available in attractive containers.



Teacher Joke 3

Ahmad: I spent eight hours over my new spelling book last night.
Teacher: It's wonderful that you spent so much time study
Ahmad: Who said anything about studying? My spelling book was under my bed when I went to sleep!

Teacher Joke 4
Teacher: Melody, spell mouse.
Melody: M-O-U-S.
Teacher: But what's at the end of it?
Melody: A tail.

Teacher Joke 5
These are reputedly real answers to questions on science tests.
1. When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

2. Water is composed of two gins, oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.


3. When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.

4. Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars.

5. Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.


6. The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.

7. A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.

Teacher Joke 6
School Answering Machine

Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all options before making a selection:

To lie about why your child is absent Press 1
To make excuses for why your child did not do their work Press 2
To complain about what we do Press 3
To cuss out staff members Press 4
To ask why you didn't get needed information that was already enclosed in your letter mailed to you Press 5
If you want us to raise your child Press 6
If you want to reach out and grab someone Press 7
To request another teacher for the third time this year Press 8
To complain about homework Press 9
To complain about school canteen Press 0
If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable/responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework, and that it's not the teachers fault for your child(ren) lack of effort. Hang up and have a nice day!!!


Teacher Joke 7:
No wonder English is so hard to learn:
We polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
A farm can produce produce.
The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse.
The soldier decided to desert in the desert.
The present is a good time to present the present.
At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
The dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance for the invalid was invalid.
The bandage was wound around the wound.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
I shed a tear when I saw the tear in my clothes.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt


Teacher Joke 8
The Evolution of Teaching

1960s
A peasant sells a bag of potatoes for $10. His costs amount to 4/5 of his selling price. What is the profit?

1970s
A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for $10. His costs amount to 4/5 of his selling price i.e. $8. What is the profit?

1980s (new math)
A farmer exchanges a set P of potatoes with M of money. The cardinality of the set M is equal to $10 and each element ofM is worth $1. Draw 10 big dots representing the elements ofM. The setC of production costs is composed of 2 big dots less than the setM. RepresentC as a subset of M and give the answer to the question: What is the cardinality of the set of profits?

1990s
A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for $10. His production costs are $8 and his profit is $2. Underline "potatoes" and discuss with your classmates.

2000s
A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for $10. His production costs are 0.80 of his revenue. On your calculator graph revenue versus costs. Run the "POTATO" program to determine the profit. Discuss the result with students in your group. Write a brief essay that analyzes this example in the real world of economics


Teacher Joke 9
And we wonder why Teachers get headaches?

Teacher: Cyril, go to the map and find North America.
Cyril: Here it is!
Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
Class: Cyril!

Substitute Teacher: Are you chewing gum?
Billy: No, I'm Billy Anderson.


Teacher: Didn't you promise to behave?
Student: Yes, sir.
Teacher: And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't?
Student: Yes, sir, but since I broke my promise, you didn't have to keep yours.

Ismaul: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Ismail: Good, because I didn't do my homework.

Teacher: Why are you late?
Imran: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Imran: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow." That's what I did.


Gary: I don't think I deserve a zero on this test.
Teacher: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.

Mother: Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
Junior: Because of absence.
Mother: You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
Junior: No, but the kid who sits next to me was.

Sylvia: Dad, can you write in the dark?
Father: I think so. What do you want me to write?
Sylvia: Your name on this report card.

Teacher: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son.
Father: What's that?
Teacher: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.

Teacher Joke 10

One day in heaven, the Lord decided He would visit the earth and take a stroll. Walking down the road, He encountered a man who was crying. The Lord asked the man, "Why are you crying, my son?" The man said that he was blind and had never seen a sunset. The Lord touched the man who could then see and was happy.
As the Lord walked further, He met another man crying and asked, "Why are you crying, my son?" The man was born a cripple and was never able to walk. The Lord touched him and he could walk and he was happy.
Farther down the road, the Lord met another man who was crying and asked, "Why are you crying, my son?" The man said, "Lord, I work for the Malaysian school system."
And the Lord sat down and cried with him.

New Kid on the blog

New addition to my plant family....... costs RM 3.50 each.. pot more expensive than the plant.. pot costs RM 12

My cactus 'open" flower liao!!!!

Beautiful onot????

Kitty wish

Kitty wish is our wish.
A colleague of mine has put this up on the wall in the staffroom.
We are great eaters and that is our wish.

The 3 monkeys

this is really very useful in our everyday working life:
hear no.................
see no ................
talk no .............
and live a happy life every day......... so live life as the 3 monkeys do

Fireworks 3

This one has a very unique sound and they look like swimming sperms . Again sponsored by my "rich" neighbourhood on Chinese New Year eve

Fireworks 2

Another civilian sponsored fireworks which was let off on Chinese New Year eve....free so capture them on digicam

Fireworks 1

Costs RM 30 per box just to hear and see that 41 seconds of fireworks....kindly sponsored by my neighbourhood during the Chinese New year eve

Cute toddler

or is he the cutest toddler?? He talks a lot... pose a lot and indeed one of the cutest toddler. tonight he keeps on asking me to take his photos so here he is.....
born in the year of the dragon but he instead wants to be a dragonfly

Chinese New Year Eve

Time: 11:45 pm to 12:15 am
Place: My neighbourhood