Discussing death

Two women Ah Lian and Ah Eng were discussing how they died.

Ah Lian: I froze to death, it was not bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

Ah Eng: I died of massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband, Ah Seng was
cheating. I came home early to catch him in act. Instead, I found him all by himself in the lounge, watching TV.

Ah Lian: So what happened?

Ah Eng: I was so sure there was another woman there, somewhere, that I started running all over the house looking. I ran upstairs and searched and ran downstairs and searched. Then I went throughout every single cupboard in the house and checked under the bed. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere. Finally became so exhausted that I just kneeled over and died of a massive heart attack.

Ah Lian: Too bad you did not look into that freezer in your kitchen; we would both be still alive

MBA(Mentally Below Average)- Management Lesson

LESSON 1

Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand,"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the startbutton.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder machine. "I just need one copy."

MORAL : "NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING"

LESSON 2

An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA

When the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are you?"

The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean.

"The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?

"Again, the Japanese was confused over the question.
The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you ...Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese! Etc......???

"The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am Japanese.

" A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked what kind of 'key' was he.

The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of -kee' am I?!"

The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"

MORAL : "NEVER INSULT ANYONE"

LESSON 3

There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French,who found this small genie bottle.
When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, He said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to be! Come, and then your wish will come true."

The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted, "WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.

Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and Immersed himself into a pool of vodka.

The German was next and he jumped and shouted,"BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool.

The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT!!!!!!! .........

MORAL : "THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING, BECAUSE SOMETIMES ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN"


LESSON 4

The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge. Each organ took a turn to speak up:

Brain....... .. I should be in charge because I run all body functions.

Blood....... . I should be in charge because I circulate oxygen for the brain.

Stomach... I should be in charge because I process food to the brain.

Legs........ . I should be in charge because I take the brain where it wants to go.

Eyes........ . I should be in charge because I let the brain see whereit's going.

Asshole..... I should be in charge because I get rid of your waste.

All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad. To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and Stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste whatsoever.

Day 1 - Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief
Day 2 - Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly
Day 3 - Legs got crampsand became unstable
Day 4 - Eyes became watery and vision became blurred
Day5 - Blood became toxic and poisoned the body
Day 6 -The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in charge

MORAL OF THE STORY: "NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW IMPORTANT YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU WILL FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE THAT IS IN CHARGE".

Unique Restroom signs

Everytime you go to the restroom did you notice those interesting signs on the door to the restroom? These are some very unique restroom signs.













Signs like this can be so confusing that there was once a joke like this:



A husband and wife have usually managed to decode the cute but confusing gender signs they sometimes put on restroom doors in restaurants ( Cylinders and Pistons, Buoys & Gulls, Laddies & Lassies, etc.), but every so often we get stumped. Recently the husband, Dave, wandered off in search of the men's room and found himself confronted by two marked doors. One was labeled "Bronco" and the other was designated "Cactus." Completely baffled, he stopped a restaurant employee passing by. "Excuse me, I need to use the restroom," Dave said. Gesturing toward the doors, he asked, "Which one should I use?"

"Actually, we would prefer you to go there," the employee said, pointing to a door down the hall marked Men. "Bronco and Cactus are private dining rooms."

so the clearest way to show it will be:

Funny but true

One day as I was watching a petrol station staff measuring the level of petrol in the underground tanks by lowering a giant white measuring stick down into them. I asked "What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?"

"The match would go out," he answered with a very serious look on his face.

"TRUE?" I asked, surprised to hear that for my question. "Is there any safety device that would extinguish it before the fumes are ignited?"

"No," he answered "The force from the explosion would be enough to blow the match out."

Made in Japan

A Japanese man was in a hurry to go to the KLIA airport, so he took a Proton taxi. The taxi driver took his sweet time driving within the speed limit but the Jap was getting impatient. The following is their conversation on the way to the airport . A Toyota Camry overtook the taxi.....zoom....

Jap : Look ...look ... Toyota !! ...very fast!!!.... made in Japan ! Proton...no good.... made in Malaysia .

Driver: yah....

After a few minutes a Nissan overtook the taxi....zoom.

Jap : look.... look.... Nissan!!!..... very good!! very fast! made in Japan ! Proton.... no good.... made in Malaysia

Driver : yah....yah...

After a few minutes a Honda overtook the taxi...zooom. !

Jap : look.... look... Honda!!.... very GOOD!!....very fast!!....made in Japan !Proton...no good...made in Malaysia

Driver: yah...yah...yah....!

Arriving at the airport,the Jap is about to pay the taxi driver.


Jap : How much?

Driver: RM150/-

Jap : Oh... very expensive..... you overcharge ! !

Driver: Noooo .... look .... look .... Sony meter!!....very good!!.... very fast!.... Made in Japan !

Stop going to Night Courses before it is too late !!

Ah Beng went to take night courses for the reason in future can get
promotion or better job. During work, Ah Beng likes to show off to Ah
Seng about his knowledge.

Ah Beng: Ah Seng ah... I've been taking night courses for 3 months already, next week is the exam.
Ah Seng: Oh... Good luck ah.

Then Ah Beng started show off...

Ah Beng: Ok, I test you, who is Graham Bell?
Ah Seng: Don't know
Ah Beng: He is the inventor of phone la... in 1876, see... if you take night courses, you would know this.!
Ah Seng: ........................ *speechless*

The next day, Ah Beng shows off again...

Ah Beng: Ah Seng ah... let me ask you, who is Jean Jacques Rousseau
Ah Seng: Wash your toilet one ah?
Ah Beng: No! He's the author of "Confessions", nah nah nah... told you already, if you take night courses, you would know this.
Ah Seng: ......................... *speechless + frustrated*

The next day, once again...

Ah Beng: Do you know who is Alexander Dumas?
Ah Seng: Your gay partner?
Ah Beng: Choiii!!! If you don't know don't simply answer la. He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers" , if you take night courses, you would know this.
Ah Seng: ....................... *speechless + frustrated + irritated*

This time Ah Seng cannot tahan (stand) anymore and ask Ah Beng...

Ah Seng: Eh... Do you know who is Ah Kaw?
Ah Beng: Errrr... No!
Ah Seng: He's the guy sleeping with your wife!! If you stop night courses, you would know this!!
Ah Beng: ........................ *fainted*

Funeral tomorrow

This is the conversation I have with my friends after a hard day's work:
(scene: staffroom )

me: Don't forget the funeral tomorrow morning hor

friends in unison voice : FUNERAL?

Me: yup funeral .

Friends ( with eyes opening much bigger now ): who dies?

me: ( please scroll down to find who die )
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me: The clock ( in the staffroom) DIE