Many many years ago...a young girl of 17 years old , let's call her CSH married a young man and let's call him KTH. They married by match maker arrangement . But a year later they gave birth to a girl X and then divorced or is it separated cos they did not have any legal papers to prove it. Only after a few years , it came to the elders' knowledge that that KTH had actually married before this but the first wife out of frustration or what had gone insane ...and she too had a baby girl borne by this KTH.
After the separation, CSH could not bring up this child on her own thus literally dump girl X at girl X maternal grandparent's house to let the child grew up on her own. Then at the age of 4, suddenly that KTH wanted to reclaim that child and came one day at CSH's mum place and told girl X that he wanted to bring her to buy sweets. Being a naive girl, she followed him and she was brought back to one of the kampong at the river bank . CSH' s mum came to know of this and was so sad that she phoned her( at that time CSH was working in another place) and hearing that her mum could not eat and sleep for 3 days, she chartered a speed boat which cost RM 50 ( that was in the 60's). On reaching the river bank , she saw the child playing at the side of the river bank , without a second word, she grasped the child and brought her back to her grandma. That is the last time the girl X heard from her so call "dad".
For some unknown reasons, this CSH just "hate" this girl X ...from her small age up to the age of 18...whenever CSH could get on this girl she would just hit her, tortured her by cutting her hair to make her so unpresentable to her classmates. One time when she found that the girl had become a catholic and in order to please her present husband who was a strong pagan who beleieve in the " monkey king" religion , she beat the poor girl up in front of that new husband and threw away her precious rosary....Any occassion she came home to her mum's place, she would definitely beat the girl up...for reasons best known to herself....
So this girl X ws brought up with this fear of her own mum....what is Mother's love to her?? moreover this CSH showered all her mum love and concern on those 3 child that she has borne with this new husband of hers....Actually before she remarried this man , she had 3 more children 2 girls and a boy ...( father unknown??) . Like this girl X, they were all dumped at her own parents home after their birth. That boy passed away after a sickness at 6 years old...( is that a blessing to escape from all the sufferings in life....)
Girl X grew up in a very harsh way surviving on her grandpa meagre slary of RM 10 per day to feed so many unwanted children and his own family too, poor grandpa....who worked and toiled up to the last minute of his life and died from tuberculosis at the age of 60.
Girl X passed her Common Entrance Exam ( = UPSR now), the only person who felt happy in the world for girl X is her grandpa who gave her an apple for passing that common entrance exam. Later girl X passed her Sarawak Junior Examination ( =PMR now). The grandpa offered to buy that girl a bicycle for passing that exam. But girl X said no because she understood her grandpa difficulties and burden .
Every school holidays, to cut cost to feed all those unwanted children, grandpa would send them back to CSH. This period of time could also be called "torturing time" for these kids because there is no mother's love only beatings, scoldings all these except LOVE!!
Then girl X grew up passed her senior cambridge exam ( = SPM now) . This was after a very hard life in school at the teasings and snarings of her classmates who knew her family background well. But girl X strove on and succeed to be one of the selected few to pursue her Form 6 in a selected college. To help the girl to get to that place and also to pack the grandparents borrowed money from the neighbours to buy the air ticket , a suitcase and clothings for the girl to continue her studies. Thay did rang up her mum, like always , she would say..." Girls no need to study ...study for what??" and with that said and reasoned she sent NO MONEY....
Girl X still survived on whatever food that was given to her in the college without daring to ask a single cent from anyone ..be it her grandparents or anyone. Except on one occasion.. that is paying the exam fees for her Higher School Certificate ( = STPM now). She has nobody ..really nobody to turn to...then she turned to her step father ( the person she hated really) to ask for money for her exam fees. He did help out for that which the girl was grateful of.
Girl passed her Form 6. Then just before she went to work as a temporary teacher in another place . she told that good news to her grandpa and the first question her grandpa ask is: do you need to buy new pyjamas....girl said .."no need , grandpa...for she knew that her grandpa was in big financial difficulties at that time...moreover grandpa was very very sick at that time too.
Girl left her grandpa's house for another town to teach. On the third night, she dreamt about her grandpa and then the next morning she rang home and found out that her grandpa had passed way the day before. The girl could not even attend her beloved grandpa's funeral because she had no money to go back since she just started work.
Lucky for girl X , things are smooth sailing. She applied for teachers' training that year and she was accepted . she survived on RM 40 allowance every month given by the training college and only went home once a year. Later she worked and sending home RM 400 to her grandma as a way of saying a BIG THANK YOU to them for all their efforts in bringing her up even though her own salary was only RM 500 per month.
Then this CSH came into the scenario... she keep telling all relatives that that girl X very no use one...never gave her any money......now now...if not because of those marvellous grandparents will your girl that you abandoned, beaten etc etc ,,be what she is today?? Is that what people called " MOTHER'S LOVE??"
Then girl got married , has children and not once during the girl's pregnancy and child birth that CSH rang and asked and show conecrn ..again ..is this called " Mother's love??" Girl X hated Mother's day for it is really really meaningless to her
Now girl X treasured most is her own family..promising herself to Kingdom Come that she will never want to be a mother that she herself had....